I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Dear god my vagina.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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