She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Even my vagina gasped.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
