that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
