This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
