When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
