I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I could have mohawked her pubes.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize