She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
