i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
