You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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