He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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