how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
