you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize