did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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