Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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