so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
