Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
