Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
