im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
