I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
