Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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