you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
