"it" just moved
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
