I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
