We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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