Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
