i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
