You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
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