genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
