I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
