I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Your dad touched me again.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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