Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize