yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
