If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
