worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
