So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
