As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can't turn off my feet"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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