It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
