I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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