Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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