Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
