He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
