mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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