WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
3 2 1 whiskey
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
