I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize