Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
