rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
