tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
