Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
