Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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