she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
