so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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