Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
