How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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