he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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