We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
