covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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