Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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