The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The power of my boobs compel you
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
