you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
