Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
