I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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