So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
