its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
