Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize