I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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