respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
