You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
