SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
