9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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