I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
