Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
