fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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